alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
