just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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