I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
