I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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