Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
