Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
that is very illegal...i love you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
