They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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