I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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