Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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