I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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