she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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