when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
