Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
