That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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