That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
