I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
