You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
