im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
