So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
