I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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