I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
