nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
