matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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