I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
