my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
