Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
