so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
