Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
