I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
