She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
