Your dad touched me again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
