Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize