is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm passing your future prison.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
