Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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