I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
