I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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