nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
