I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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