Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
