i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
