i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
