Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
only you would photoshop your dick
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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