I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
