Don't make out with my wife yet
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
