Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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