just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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