i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
