i don't like sucking hair
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
