I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
