sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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