I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
