the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
