Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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