look no pants
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
