I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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